1) What’s the first concert you attended?
Tom fucking Petty was my first BIG CONCERT and I’ll never forget how much he shook his tiny lil butt. I’m sad he died, I miss him; he left so much great music to enjoy but he took his gorgeous lil butt with him and that still makes me sad.
2) What was your best Halloween costume?
Sexy Rosie the Riveter – It was award winning and tasteful. I swear. (though I do regret not cutting the booty shorts shorter to show more butt cheek and arguably NEEDED garter belts for my tights)
3) What was your first job?
Normally I’d say paper boy (which I did do) but the honest truth is my dad had me dig a fifty-yard trench, two feet deep for a VHS copy of Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade. That movie rules/was worth it.
4) What’s your most used emoji?
The kissy face. Kissy energy is big in my text language.
5) What’s the last text you sent?
The Kissy face emoji, it covers a multitude of sins
6) Who was your favorite band at 13 years old?
Nirvana – still is. I have shown very little growth. But I always love Kurt.
7) What’s your go to Karaoke song ( presuming you have one)?
I haven’t been in so long but I keep threatening to do that sad “high school is over” Green Day song – which I hate. (love Green Day tho)
8) What is special about the place you grew up?
I grew up in two places:
1 – Fontana, CA. is so Southern in Southern California that ppl call it “Fontucky” and I actually have a bit of a southern accent because of it.
2 – Bellingham, Wa. Where I was discouraged from acting by the same teacher as Oscar winner Hilary Swank. (Also the cowards have yet to list me on their Wikipedia page. I LIVED THERE.)
9) What do you wish you knew more about?
Songwriting. It seems like magic to my dumb stand up comedy brain but I’m a vocal artist first so naturally this is a frustrating disconnect. Also Bonsai.
10) What are you reading currently?
The real time account of the collapse of western society via twitter (@pauldanke) and White Fang.
11) What’s the dumbest thing you’ve done that actually turned out pretty well?
I shaved my eyebrows in the 8th grade which made me look like a v weird and gross boy but the brows came back a bit darker which I really needed for overall facial contouring. 100% would not recommend!
12) What is something you will NEVER do again?
Cry during Toy Story 3, now I know they are all going to greet death arm-in-arm and I’m ready for it, I tell myself “Paul be a big boy, this is not so sad.” So far this hasn’t worked but I SWEAR I WILL NOT CRY AT TS3 again.
13) What do you wish your brain was better at doing?
Memorizing ppl’s names. It makes me seem like a dick sometimes in personal situations and it also makes it impossible to follow sports, art, politics, etc.
14) What bends your mind every time you think about it?
Racism. Like, get fucking real. Still?! How?
15) If you could have a video of any one event in your life, what event would you choose?
My death, I’d make it a gif and spend my waking hours getting it listed in twitter’s (@pauldanke) pre-loaded gif queue.
16) If you were a wrestler what would your entrance theme song be?
Orinoco Flow – damn I love Enya. Idk if she is witch or alien but she is weird and I love her and the perfect soundtrack for chair slapping my enemies.
17) Who was your childhood (famous person)crush ?
The motorcycle lady in The Jerk, why didn’t he try to make it work with her? She was perfect.
18) What was your favorite TV show to watch after school with what accompanying snack?
Middle school: music videos/ham sandwiches (<3 ham)
High school: The State, and old SNL / crazy bread (my mom managed a Little Caesar’s at the time)
College: 90210, pop up video & stand up/goldfish crackers & cherry coke
19) If you could be guaranteed one thing in life (besides money), what would it be?
To keep my sense of humor in this gut wrencher of an existence, also to see the Northern Lights
20) What question do you wish was on this list?
If a sandwich was to be named after you, what kind would it be? Thankfully it isn’t on the list because I couldn’t choose between pretzel bun and sourdough.
